So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
