On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I bet he comes in French.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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