i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
