I think I won the penis lottery.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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