i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
