We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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