I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
