and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
