I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize