Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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