just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
