So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
