I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
