if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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