You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
