dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
