we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
