I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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