just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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