EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
