DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
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