I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
