I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I want to be your penis for a week.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
