He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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