how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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