it's too hot outside to masturbate.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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