I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Randomize
