I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
