My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You just made me feel so damn special
So drunk its hurt
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
