Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
