omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize