the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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