remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
