Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
