"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
