Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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