Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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