Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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