sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
