My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
