I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
