I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
