i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
