the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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