i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
