i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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