your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
