I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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