I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
