Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
