OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
