Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
