I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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