So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
