I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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