Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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