Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
