We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize