i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I have feelings that need drinking.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize