I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
