your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
