maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
