I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
