I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
