Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Do you have feelings for this penis?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
