i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We had to coat check the pizza.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Randomize
