ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I wear drunk well.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
