Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
