SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
