my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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