I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
