Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
