My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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