I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
