dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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