i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
