Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I fill condoms, not promises.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize