There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
It's just like the Real World with babies
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
